Nostalgic/Growing up?

I was 10, with a clear head carrying no worries. A simple kid, big dreams and sure as hell good grades, not because I wanted to be first in my class, in fact I was.

But because my brother promised me that video game I wanted.
The simplest things are always fulfilling for me, as long as I am happy…

Something as casual as a family gathering. I can see it, clear as day, my favorite cousins showing up and we laugh at jokes we didn't even get, but we laughed so hard from the bottom of our hearts…

My aunt over there telling me to play less with my computer, and play gymnastics to get taller. Now I go on my knees to salute her. My uncle with his lovely wife and out-going kids, that we had karaoke together. Well, that's a memory I am still able to picture. Now he got divorced and I never saw them again.
10 years passed by and I am at the same spot sitting eating whatever weird food my sister is trying to cook, I was thinking to myself:" That's a fine kitchen" picturing how it used to be. Everything changed so did the kitchen.

I got into college, I’m meeting new people, craving in them the things I’ve lost. But deep down, I know it can never be found.
And I blame all the things that had changed, that way I wouldn't feel sorrow when I’m feeling nostalgic. Not having a single clue on what the future is holding for me.

It is more of me being paralyzed. A part of me that’s looking back, glad that i grew up in a perfect family, taught by the greatest teachers, had the sweetest friends. In short words; a lot more of I could’ve asked for. And the other part is you’ll never get what you got. Making me believe whatever I’ll achieve will not please me ae my childhood did. I guess that's what being an adult is really about. Growing up, generally, is the process when you become aware of you decisions, either give in to the destructive side of you and fall. Or embrace the other part of you and rise.